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C | Knowledge of world capitals & leaders | Attitudes toward the Americas | Attitudes toward Europe, Asia, Africa, etc. | Has your country been conquered? | World War Two (& other wars) | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
NORTH AMERICA
U You'd be hard pressed to name the
capitals or the leaders of all the nations of Europe.
You think of Canada as a pleasant,
peaceful, but rather dull country, which has suddenly developed an
inexplicable problem in Québec. You probably couldn't explain
why the Canadians didn't join the other British colonies
in rebelling against King George.
You couldn't name ten US interventions in Latin
America.
The nationality
people most often make jokes about is the French.
Your country has never been conquered
by a foreign nation.
World War II was a just war, and
(granted all the suffering
of course) ended all right. It was a time when the country came
together and did what was right. And instead of insisting on
vengeance, the US very generously rebuilt Europe instead, with the
Marshall Plan.
A You'd
be hard pressed to name the capitals or the
leaders of all the nations of Europe.
Alaska
is home to very diverse and distant cultures.
This description heavily favors the region of Southcentral Alaska,
where the majority of the state's population resides. However,
it will tell you little if anything about other areas of the state.
A person living in the Aleutian Chain would give very different
answers from me and we would both in turn be very different
from someone living in Barrow. It is not easy to access these
areas, and I have never been to a Bush town. Despite the fact
that these pags are all in fun, I feel that this is an important
thing to understand.
If you have lived in Alaska for a long time or were born here,
the culture and values of Lower 48ers may seem rather different
from your own. They move fast, are preoccupied with city life,
and seem to take their mild environment for granted. They
appear to understand nothing about what the North is like,
and you know that some of them think you live in an igloo or
something. Their billboard signs and other aggressive
advertising may mystify and slightly disgust you; large
signs like that are illegal in Alaska. Their cities sure
are big, trashy, smelly, and noisy too. Even so, going down
to the Lower 48 can be a lot of fun; they have more cultural
events available there, and the fast life can be more exciting.
Alaska can seem restrictive at times.
You also admire the large trees that grow down south. Most of
Alaska has no trees at all or only fairly stunted ones; the
Southeast is the only area that has impressive trees.
You consider yourself more aware of your vulnerability
to the power of nature than most other Americans and
thus are more respectful of it. You probably also fancy the
notion that you're tougher than them.
However, you often make fun of other Alaskans: if
you are in a relatively developed area, you probably make
jokes about those deeper in the woods than you. Vice versa
if you live deep in the woods. Almost everyone outside of
Anchorage makes fun of the people who live there; Anchorage
inhabitants are the closest thing here to "big city
types".
Texas is also the butt of some jokes, since they seem to
labor under the illusion that their state is huge. Ha! You
know that if Alaska were divided in half, Texas would be
the third largest state in the Union.
You love Hawai'i. Being just five hours straight south,
it offers a fantastic refuge from the darkness and cold of
the Alaskan winter, with minimal jet lag and time change.
Any of the facts in this section you will eagerly divulge to
tourists and other Outsiders interested in Alaska, to show
them how interesting and different your state is.
You think of Canada as a pleasant, peaceful, but rather
dull country, which has suddenly developed an inexplicable
problem in Québec. You probably couldn't explain why
the Canadians didn't join the other British colonies in
rebelling against King George. Your state shares a very
long border with Canada, but you rarely think about them
unless you are in the Southeast, or are a musher who
competes in Canadian sled-dog races.
You're probably rather irked that most films
taking place in "Alaska" are actually made in Canada.
You couldn't name ten US interventions in Latin America.
Your
state was originally owned by Russia, and sold to the
US in 1867. There still remain some traces of the Russian presence,
such as old Orthodox churches and even small, remote towns
settled by Russian Old Believers, who keep their traditions
alive here.
The nationality people most often make jokes about is the French.
A
small part of your state has been conquered by a
foreign nation - the Japanese took three Aleutian islands
during World War II.
World
War II was a just war, and (granted all the suffering
of course) ended all right. It was a time when the country
came together and did what was right. And instead of
insisting on vengeance, the US very generously rebuilt
Europe instead, with the Marshall Plan. This war was vital
to the development of your state; among other things, the
Alaska-Canada Highway, or Alcan, was built by the military,
allowing for road access to Alaska from the Lower 48 for
the first time.
L You probably can't name the
capitals of all the states, let alone those of other countries.
More than a few people think that New York City is the capital of New York
State (it's Albany).
You refer to yourself as a
Long Islander as if it were a seperate state, and you expect other
Americans you meet while traveling to know where LI is.
Brooklyn and Queens
are part of New York City and not part of LI, regardless
of actual geography (and Long Island is not a penninsula
as the federal government has tried to claim). Upstate NY, which begins
with Westchester County, is a beautiful
wilderness. There are certainly no actual
cities up there (while Upstaters think all of LI is just like Brooklyn
and Queens), and you may not even consider them to be "real"
New Yorkers.
The farther away you get from New York City, the more polite and
laid back the people become.
Canada is second best country in the world (after the US) because their
culture, language, and attitudes are pretty much the
same as ours. You can't imagine
why Canadians take offense at that statement
because you consider it to be a compliment.
You couldn't name ten countries in Latin America. You think that people
in Brazil speak Spanish just like everyone else down there.
Long Island supported the
British
side during the Revolutionary War. You're
probably not aware of this and certainly wouldn't tell anyone if you were
(more).
You know someone who was in
the World Trade Center on September 11, or you know someone who was
directly affected by it.
L
The culture of southern Louisiana
extends from the Sabine river in the west over towards Baton Rouge in the
east and as far north as I-10. Anyone from north of I-10 is a Yankee.
When you refer to a geographical location "way up North," you
are referring to places like Shreveport, Little Rock or Memphis. There is
no such thing as a "county". What other states call a county
is a parish.
T
You might know an eccentric or
two who considers the War Between the States
as one predominantly about Northern Yankee imperialism, which you find
a little unsettling; but as for those people who want to secede (again),
they're just taking things too far.
Crossing the Border is easy for you, but not so for the people
living on the other side.
You take great pride in living in a
state that is not just larger than any
other state (you usually conveniently forget Alaska), you're also bigger
than any European state outside of Russia -- more than all of France and
the UK combined. You probably take all that land as a symbol of
freedom and opportunity, and a closeness to nature.
You live in a state that has been
conquered only once, and you know it
has flown under six different flags at various times; you probably,
however, couldn't name them.
(For the curious, they are, in rough chronological order: Spain,
France, Mexico, the Republic, the Confederacy, and the US.)
C
Your international opinions
are dominated by America, a country you love to
complain about. You like to make fun of their strange ways, and criticize
them for their arrogant, bullying tactics in world affairs. You will go out
of your way to point out any difference between you and an American, no
matter how small, even though you may have American friends and like them
very much. You would probably be offended if someone said you were an
American, especially if an American said so. You know about "free trade"
but probably don't understand it. You don't want a common currency with
America. You think American currency is bland and boring anyway, not nice
and colourful like yours. You know more about America than your any other
country (possibly even Canada), due to TV and movies. If
you talk to someone from another country, it will probably be about your
common dislike for America. Basically, you really don't like America, but
you don't mind (some) Americans themselves.
You may think that all the Atlantic provinces are
all the same and that Newfoundland is one of the Maritimes (it's not).
You make fun of Newfoundland because they are not in a full
time-zone, they are only half an hour ahead of Atlantic Canada (and an hour
and a half ahead of Ontario, etc). So if you say something is at a
certain time, you can say "and a half hour later in Newfoundland."
You are very fond of
England, and probably Scotland and Ireland, and maybe France as well.
You
are probably aware that the Dutch like Canada because Canada liberated them
during the Second World War, but you don't know much else about them.
you "know" that Canada defeated the
US in the War of 1812.
B You'd be able
to name about half the capitals or the leaders of all the
nations of Europe.
You are resigned
to the fact that Americans think you live in an igloo and
travel by dogsled.
You can't understand American rudeness. You think of
America as self-absorbed to a ridiculous degree, and think they
have an overblown opinion of their own worth.
When abroad, you have a cold fear that somebody might mistake you for an
American. You make a point of deliberately being kind to locals just to make
it clear you are a Canadian. You couldn't name ten U.S.
interventions in Latin America.
The people from Newfoundland are often the butt of jokes
(if you're in B.C.), as are the B.C.'ers (if you're in the Maritimes).
Eastern Canadians are fishermen who speak with a quaint, almost Irish
accent. Often it's unintelligible to non-locals.
The Québecois hate everyone who doesn't speak French as a first language.
Everyone makes fun of them.
Western Canadians are New Age tree-huggers who grow the world's strongest
marijuana, and complain about rain, not snow, in the winter.
Prairie Canadians probably farm, and speak slowly.
Ontario residents think the entire country revolves around them, and are
the only Canadians who actually pronounce "out and about" as "oot and
aboot".
Your country has
never been conquered by a foreign nation; your ancestors
kicked the Americans' butts when they tried.
World War II was
a just war, and many Canadians fought and died in it. This
fact isn't taught in American history classes, yet every Canadian
schoolchild knows who Washington was.
O You know the capital of
the US and can name most of its states.
You know all the provinces and territories of Canada, but not necessarily
their capitals. You definitely don't know the names of most of their
premiers.
You have been
to the US many times and
see Americans in Ontario all the time, so generally you see them as an
extended family. Your ancestors may have come from the US as Loyalists
during the American Revolution (Ontario was carved out of Quebec for them).
You know some people who think Canada should have closer ties to the US,
if not join altogether, although you yourself do not think so. Toronto,
on the other hand, is a lot like an American city, especially if you don't
live there. The people in Toronto are just as rude and unfriendly
as the stereotypical American. They act like they are the center
of the universe. American TV is an especially large influence because
you just get so much of it in Ontario. This influence does not work
the other way - even though you are only separated from the US by a lake
or a river, they still seem to think they can come skiing here in the summer.
You probably benefit the most from trade with the US since
much of it passes through Ontario.
When referring to other
parts of Canada, you say "the West"
to mean anything west of Ontario (Manitoba, Saskatchewan, Alberta, British
Columbia), and "the East" to refer to
everything east except Quebec.
The East is also referred to as "down
east," and makes no distinction between
Newfoundland and the Maritimes. Quebec is just Quebec. When
you talk about "the north" you
mean Canada's three territories, and if
you live in southern Ontario, the northern part of the province is not
"the north" but "up North."
If you aren't descended from Loyalists, you are descended from English,
Irish, Scottish, German, or Dutch immigrants, who probably came here in
the 1800's. The Irish Catholic and Irish Protestant
immigrants brought their dislike
for each other with them, and it still exists (however insignificantly),
especially in rural areas.
The rest of Canada can almost be seen in an "international"
way. They don't like Ontario, and you think they are a bunch of babies.
You've been to Quebec (if only to cross the bridge into Hull from Ottawa)
and think they should quit whining, and you wouldn't mind much if they
separated. Some people, both inside and outside Ontario, think Ontario
should separate from the rest of Canada (you think this is amusing but
don't take it seriously). The CN Tower in Toronto is the largest
free-standing structure in the world, unless they built something bigger
in Malaysia or Japan. But it still is the largest structure in North
America, and you want Americans to recognize this. They have the
biggest office buildings, but even those buildings are not as tall as the
CN Tower. The CN Tower is also useful for transmitting radio and
television signals, so the closer you live to Toronto the better your
reception will be.
You live very close to the
American border, and they've invaded in the past. The War of 1812 was a
time when Americans invaded, captured
Toronto (York, at the time), and then had their asses kicked by the British
army and Ontario militias (everyone knows no one really won the war, but
you brag that the Canadian militia won anyway).
Q You'd be hard pressed to name the
capitals or the leaders of all the nations
of Europe. You can name all the provinces and place them in the right spot on one
of those puzzle maps, but you might not remember all the capitals. And where in
frozen hell is Nunavut?
You think of the U.S. as a
powerful neighbour with a lot of money, but rather
ignorant about Canada and generally the outside world. You despise American tourists
and find them rude and condescending.
You're not too aware of American politics, and know little about their history.
You may be interested in international
politics, but local politics are more
relevant to you. (You are more interested in what Bernard Landry is doing than in
what's going on in the U.S.)
You cheerfully go to vacation to Cuba, and are
surprised when you learn of the embargo.
You're not French, and you
most likely do not identify primarily as a Canadian,
regardless of your opinion on sovereignty. You're distinctly Québécois.
However, for the purpose of this document, French means French-Canadian, and English
means the rest of Canada, unless specified otherwise. Anglo also means a Canadian who
speaks English.
You have a firm opinion on the sovereignty debate, reduced to Oui and Non camps
(the question is "Do you want to separate from Canada?"). You like to discuss it
at great length. Regardless of where you stand, you probably agree that Québec
is a distinct society that deserves protection from assimilation. You may have some
hostility towards Anglos, but most likely it is more out of concern for your own
interests than out of real resentment, despite inflammatory rhetoric from both sides
of the issue. You follow the debate closely, especially around referendum time.
The people that you most often hear jokes about are the Newfies. In a torn
country, it's nice to see such unity in the choice of laughing stock.
The Natives are regarded
with animosity and perceived as lower-class citizens-- smugglers and drunks with
undeserved perks from the government.
You think of Europeans as being
more civilized than Americans or even Canadians
in some ways. You still identify somewhat with France, although grudgingly.
In general, you do not wish to get involved in wars
that do not directly concern you, and you have a proud history of fighting conscription.
LATIN AMERICA
B You'd be hard pressed to name the leaders,
but not the capitals, of
the main nations of Europe; you plan to visit them (the capitals, not
the leaders) sometime.
You do not know exactly whether Brazil is
part of "Latin
America" or something unique. You couldn't name ten U.S. interventions
in Latin America.
You think of Argentina as a pleasant country with two cities:
charming, cosmopolitan Buenos Aires, and beautiful Bariloche (where the
Brazilian ski championship takes place). You think Argentinians as a
people are arrogant and conceited, but you often like individual
Argentinians.
People from Portugal are neither
Brazilian nor foreign, but something in-between; if they move
to Brazil they instantly become Brazilian.
Your country has never been conquered by a
foreign nation.
World War II did not concern Brazil at
first. It was a problem of the
Americans, and the U.S. kept asking Brazil to help them. Which we
finally did when the Germans started sinking our ships and killing our
sailors with their stupid submarines. Our troops fought in Italy, and
Brazil helped a lot, but the U.S. was ungrateful after the war, giving
money to their former enemies instead of those who had stuck to them
when the going was rough.
Except indirectly for the two world wars, which were in other
continents, your country has not experienced war since 1865-70 (against
Paraguay). Sometimes you wonder why all those crazy foreigners kill each
other, instead of enjoying life while they can. You think of Brazil as
an "island of peace".
C You'd be hard pressed to
name the capitals or the leaders of
all the nations of Europe. Or the leaders of all nations in
South America.
You think of the USA as the
land of opportunities, followed
by Spain. Venezuela
used to be the land of opportunities, despite the
Venezuelans, but this is not longer so.
The nationalities people most often make jokes about are the
Mexicans, or the Cubans, or the Gringos... well, they are
actually other Colombians, mainly Pastusos, Costeños,
Boyacos, Paisas and Cachacos.
After the USA, you think of Spain,
where they also speak our language, as the land of opportunities.
Your country has never
been invaded by a foreign nation.
(The Spanish did not invade; they just came to Savage
Country and conquered, bringing civilization.)
World War II was a just war,
and (granted all the suffering
of course) ended all right. We didn't participate, even if we
nominally declared war on Germany.
M You'd be hard pressed
to name the capitals or leaders of all Europe.
You can name
the year when the USA took
more than half of our land from us,
and you resent Americans for that.
Your country was
almost conquered by the USA.
World War II
was just another war in
which Mexico didn't help much, but at
least we had the Escuadrón 301
who came out after the Germans sunk 2 Mexican
tankers, one of which was the Faja
de Oro.
You don't expect the military to engage on
wars. Instead, you expect the
military to eradicate drug crops, labs and
dealing zones.
EUROPE
A You'd be hard
pressed to name the leaders of all
the nations of Europe. You could probably name at
least the majority of states in the USA, or countries
in Asia, and definitely the US president.
You know pretty much
all the cultural export
articles the USA has to offer. They shape your view
of America to a large extent. Americans seem to be
very fond of waving big flags, owning big guns, driving
big cars, and wearing uniforms, and
their houses are usually made of thin wooden boards
held together by wallpaper. Of course, you know that
this cannot possibly be true. You know that
many people, especially Americans,
keep confusing Austria and Australia. It's a
stereotype, but unfortunately a true one.
You know that the ship's
screw was invented by an
Austrian, the typewriter was invented by an Austrian,
the fuel combustion engine was invented by an
Austrian, and pretty much every classical composer
was Austrian. If you accept a sufficiently broad
definition of "Austria", that is.
You're quite likely to have a distinctly
non-German surname (such as Novak or Resnick),
especially if you live in the Eastern parts of
Austria. The the favourite victims of ethnic jokes are
usually people living in Burgenland, Austria's
easternmost province.
You think the EU isn't such a bad idea most of
the time, but you like to complain about it
anyway. Like most people, you more or less openly hold
more or less strong opinions on other countries. For
instance:
Germans can be arrogant snobs, but they bring a
lot of money into the country, and they love to drink
horribly sweet wines we'd have to throw away
otherwise. They also pronounce "Kaffee" so that it
rhymes with "Affe", which sounds stupid. For some
irrational, deeply emotional reason, you think their
cars are the very best in the world. It's a matter of
faith.
Your mind tells you that the Japanese make cars
that are cheaper and more reliable than German ones,
but your heart doesn't follow. Rich Japanese people
send their pretty daughters in masses to expensive
Austrian music colleges where they learn to play the
violin. Rich Japanese people generally love classical
music, especially Mozart and Strauss.
Italians make fast sportscars which are
unfortunately quite unreliable. They also have great
food. They are a bit lazy, emotional, talk fast and
drive like there's no tomorrow, but they're very
creative. Italian politics are one big soap
opera.
Hungarians have excellent food, and it's cheap!
Let's all go to Hungary because butter costs 10% less
there! If you're older, you may think Hungary is
still part of the Austro-Hungarian empire
anyway.
The Dutch are generally nice, grow genetically
modified tomatoes and like to get stoned. They also
like to drive in endless trailer convoys down steep
mountain roads in 5th gear, constantly braking until
the brakes overheat, and disaster strikes.
Swedes are invariably blond and come to Austria
to get really, really drunk, much to the joy of
Austrian bar owners, brewery owners, and skiing
instructors (or simply horny natives posing as skiing
instructors). They also make expensive cars and cheap
furniture.
Your country has
been conquered by foreign
nations, but your country has conquered other
countries by marrying into their respective
aristocracies.
World War II was
probably the most gruesome time
in younger history. If you're older, you may think
Austria was a poor victim of Nazism, if you're
younger, you probably think Austria shared almost as
much guilt as Germany. Your parents or grandparents
have told you at length about wartime, the terror of
nightly area bombing raids and the days of Allied
occupation when American GIs gave them chewing gum,
chocolate and re-labeled tins of cat food, and the
Russians raped women. Your grandparents may have
fought in the war. You're being told that you have it
much better than they had.
F You know almost all the capitals, maybe
even the leaders of
Europe (although you might have difficulties with countries like
Romania or Bulgaria).
"America" means
U.S.A., unless specified
as "Canada" or "South America" (where
there are dictators ruling over lazy people who wear sombreros
or dance samba).
You are proud of Finland's role in the
European Union, but you speak of "Europe" (with a certain yearning
and envy) whenever you mean a (West) European country farther away
than Sweden or Denmark.
Great Britain is an important part of Europe. So is France --
you are ashamed that you don't speak French, and if you are well
off, you dream of buying a château in the Loire valley.
The Swedes are effeminate sissies who have enjoyed the
blessings of peace while we have done all the fighting for
them. You are extremely annoyed when foreigners take
famous Finns, cellular phones or saunas for "Swedish".
(The Swedes, in return, think of us as primitive creatures
who work hard, drink too much and fight with knives.)
If you are over 65, you learnt at school that Germany is the
leading nation in Europe and European culture (and helps us
against the Eastern barbary). If you are younger, your attitude
towards Germany may be a little ambivalent, as you have consumed a
lot of Anglo-Saxon films, books and comics about World War II.
They make good beer, though. And reliable cars.
You know that Russia, once a dreaded neighbour and enemy, then
a country where tourists like you and your countrymen could enjoy
the feeling of Western superiority (and cheap vodka, enough to
make many Russians believe there is no booze available in
Finland), now sends us mafiosi, prostitutes and beggars
while accepting humanitarian aid and still ignoring the truth
about its aggression against Finland in World War II. You know
that Russians aren't Mongols with slanted eyes (like West
Europeans believe) -- but you really know very little about
Russian culture. Except that they like melancholy music, as we
do.
World War II consisted of our fight
against the Soviet Union, divided in two periods: "the winter war"
and "the continuation
war". We came out "second best": Finland
was the only country on
the losing side that was not occupied by foreign armies, we
didn't become a "people's democracy" (a satellite of the Soviet
Union), we successfully relocated the evacuees from Karelia (the
area that was annexed to the Soviet Union) and didn't leave them
to rot in refugee camps, we managed to shake off the Germans (they
were our Waffenbrüder but not really "allies"!)
in time, after the war we paid what was required -- and in time.
(And rebuilt our country without foreign aid.) Those were glorious
times, now generally admired, because there is no Soviet Union to
be afraid of and the present-day young and middle-aged adults have
not been fed up with their parents'reminiscences of "the War" any
more.
F You know almost all the capitals and
leaders of Europe.
You think of Canada as a pleasant and
peaceful country. Quebec used
to be called "Nouvelle France". The
Québécois are your "American cousins".
You suport them in their attempt to protect their difference
from English-speaking Canadians. Voltaire's description
of Canada as "some acres of snow" (quelques
arpents de neige) is
stupid and deprived France from an important place in North America.
Same comment about Napoleon's selling Louisiane to the USA.
Great Britain is a part of Europe.
Unfortunately, the (literal and actual) insularity of the British make them
difficult to deal with. They have a strange notion of having a
special relationship with some transatlantic nation, such that
they sometimes forget that they belong to Europe.
As concerns former French colonies, those of
Africa and Asia, you consider that it is a good thing that
they are independent. However, you think that France's giving
them access to modern civilization was a good thing.
Your country has been conquered by foreign
nations (England, Germany, 3rd Reich), but always defended itself and
is still free.
World War II was a quite troubled time for
the country, and France
has not still gotten past this era. The US helped us to rebuild
the country, generously, but in fact, they were no philanthropists.
B You know the capitals of Europe, but you
know the leaders only for the larger countries. The only US
state you can pinpoint is probably California.
The USA provides most of your
entertainment, as well as technical innovation. They are sometimes
annoying trying to impose their ways to everybody in sight, but
they have nice pipebands
Brittany's society has undergone massive
changes (especially in the way it defines itself)
during the last thirty years; many of these statements may not be
accepted by some Bretons, notably old folks and
die-hard leftists. Most of these will definitely be
considered as "cultural" and quite stubornly
defended as such.
You are a Celt. You don't exactly
know what a Celt is but it has something to do with playing bagpipe.
If you are born after 1970, you may bear a specific
breton first name. That's considered quite normal and
not particularly nationalistic. Only a fool (or a bad
commercial producer) would name his child Loïc.
You consider yourself as a French citizen, but not that
much. Frenchmen would be nice peoples didn't they feel
obliged to impose their way of life to everybody in
sight.
A republican is a guy who is against Europe and against
local autonomies and cultures. You are definitely not
one of them.
You think that the EU is a good thing (Bruxelle is
farther away than Paris).
The Englishmen are an old-fashioned people whose cows
have had serious mental problems. Welshmen, Scotts and
Cornishmen are not English but fellow Celts, even if
their pipebands are not as great as yours.
You may have some bad feelings about Germans among
elderly people, but it is dwindling away. After all,
they have changed now.
Japan is a faraway country that produces cars, video
recorders and bad cartoons. Unless you are a manga fan,
you think of japanese movies as children stuff.
Your country has a long history and was
several times invaded by foreign conquerors. 38% of the youth seems
to think it is still the case.
One fourth of you (one third if you are under 35) think
that Britanny should set up its own independent state
inside the EU (or even oustide).
A nationalist is a guy who wants to get rid of the
frenchmen (well the french state in fact). They have
generally nothing against arabs and are often left
wingers. A sizeable part of you agree with the most
moderate ones, but you don't vote for them.
World War II was a really nasty
period. The nazis occupied the country and behaved very badly. If you are
old enough, you may be asked whether you were wrong or
right at this time (wrong being nazi collaborator). If
you were wrong, you'd better run fast. You are proud of
the fact that the whole population of a small breton
island took their boats to London in 1940 while most
Frenchmen were cheering Petain.
G You'd be hard pressed to name
the leaders of all the nations of Europe; it's not as
difficult with the capitals.
You think of Americans as people
with a high technical standard who are generally nice
but all somehow crazy. They live either in New York,
Chicago, or Los Angeles, or on a farm
in the middle of nowhere, and seem to think of
themselves as cowboys. However, when politicians or journalists talk about
Amerikanische Zustände (America-like
situations) on topics like juvenile crime
or urban poverty, they usually mean something very bad.
The French are a people with an easygoing
mentality, who make good breakfasts, are
often associated with love, and invented the snob way
of life-- they run the most
expensive restaurants, think they're too good to learn
foreign languages, and are
generally arrogant.
The Dutch are a people with a funny accent
who make cheese and live in trailers.
(At least, that's how they appear on German streets.)
Italians are very passionate people--
especially when they talk-- who make good
food but can't get anything else done. Poles are the
ones who steal everything,
especially cars. The Swiss are OK but veeeeeeerrry
slooooooowww.
'Ossies' (East Germans) are-- to Westerners--
backward, narrow-minded people who
can't get rid of their nostalgic memories, and the
young men are all dumb
aggressive Nazi skinheads.
'Wessies' (West Germans) are-- to
Easterners-- arrogant pampered yuppies who
think they know better about everything, and always try
to betray the Ossies.
Your country was conquered by a
whole group of foreign nations in 1945, as well as
several times before in history. You can make a
difference between "good"
conquerors, who don't harm the conquered countries too
much (the Western allies) and
might even give them chewing gum, CARE parcels and
economic aid (Americans), and
"bad" conquerors, who rape every woman in
sight and force strange political
systems on the conquered country (Russians).
World War II was a catastrophe. It was a
time when the government went crazy and
forced the country to do what was wrong. (Unless
you're a neo-Nazi asshole and see
things differently). If you're male and were born
before 1930, you probably fought in
it. If you were born before 1940, you probably remember
bombing nights in the shelter,
food rations, and fields of ruins. (You don't think the
Allies had to bomb all those
civilians) After it, your country was divided for 45
years.
G
You live in a small country (slightly
smaller than Alabama), but you keep
thinking that you are the center of the
universe. Of course, a billion Chinese
couldn't care less.
The Albanians are an uncivilized people,
born thieves, who hate you because they
want to build Greater Albania.
The Macedonians are an uncivilized
people, distorters of history, who hate
you because they want to build Greater
Macedonia.
The Bulgarians surely want to build a
Greater Bulgaria, but they are too damn
poor to put their dark plans into practice.
The Turks are bad fellows who
committed all sorts of atrocities against
you since 1453-- to say nothing of the
Cyprus issue; of course they want to
build Greater Turkey.
You used to hear a lot of jokes about the
Turks, but now it's more likely to be
Albanians.
Your country has been conquered twice,
by two foreign nations. The first
conquest lasted about four centuries, and
the second (during WW II) lasted about
three years. You filled in the gaps with
civil wars, riots, national disunity, and
four or five military coups. You never
get bored in this country-- that's
for sure.
I You'd be hard pressed to name the
leaders of all the nations of Europe. The capitals are easy though.
The USA provides a good part of your
entertainment, as well as
technical innovation. Many Americans seem OK, but their
"I am now suing you" attitude ranges from comical to dangerous.
Their social situation (education, crime, welfare) looks unexplicably
primitive to you.
You think of Canada as country much like the USA, but more
civilized: they don't own as many guns and don't kill people on the
electric chair.
Italians from the
north are rich, selfish, and drink too much. They
don't go to the university: they want to start working (and earning)
soon. Some of them want to have a law to outrule an invasion from the
South.
Italians from the south are lazy scoundrels at best, criminals at
worst. They study a lot (that's because they are too lazy to get a real
job), so they end up being public administrators (even in the north), or
teachers (even in northern schools).
People from the center have mixed characteristics, but in general
they're a bunch of Communists or Half-communists. You wonder why all of
the "quality of life" surveys alway end up giving maximum score
to some mid-sized town of the Center. People from Rome are southerners
under all respects, whatever they might believe or say.
Your EU cousins: The Spanish are much like you, but they speak in an
amusing and sometimes hard-to-understand way. The French are much more
arrogant. The Germans make wonderful cars but have very little
creativity. The British are civilized but crazy people. They think in
pounds and pints and drive on the wrong side of the road. They need (and
have) laws to stop sale of alcohol at 11:00 lest everybody gets totally
drunk.
Japan is a faraway country that hoardes Mediterranean tunafish and
produces cars, video recorders, sushi and bad cartoons. Unless you are a
manga fan, you think of Japanese anime as children stuff.
Your country has been invaded
several times in different areas.
After the fall of the Roman Empire, it was reunited into one country
only in the 19th century (apart from Charlemagne, who was an invader
anyway).
World War II was a quite troubled time
for the country, with
Fascists and Germans all around the place. The US helped to rebuild
the country, but the price was that they remote-controlled our politics.
N You know the capitals of
Europe, but you know the
leaders only for the larger countries.
The only US state you can pinpoint is probably
California.
The USA provides most of
your entertainment, as well as
technical innovation.
If a non-American explains to you that something is
better in the US than in the Netherlands,
you will explain that American ideas will not work in
the Dutch context.
If an American tells you things are better in the US,
you just think that he's arrogant.
Apart from always telling you that things are better in
the US, Americans are nice people.
Your country has more money invested in the US than any
other country in the world.
You think EU, NATO, and the
United Nations are a Good
Thing.
Sure, there might be some corruption and inefficiency
involved, especially in the EU,
but how are international problems ever going to be
solved if nations don't work together?
You don't really know what to think about your
neighbors the Belgians.
In general you think they are happier, less
intelligent, more corrupt,
and simultaneously more formal and informal than the
Dutch.
They speak Dutch, but in a funny way, unless they speak
French.
Their beer is the best. You get along well with them.
A good thing about Belgians is that they are not
arrogant.
(They think the Dutch are arrogant and stingy, and make
jokes about them).
Germany and the Germans are overbearing neighbors. You
get along well with them,
but Germans are known to be arrogant, which you are
always alert to point out them.
The war is not forgotten, and most people have elderly
family members who were killed,
deported or otherwise mistreated by the Nazis.
Germany never returned the bicycles it stole, either.
Even the most politically correct can make jokes or
disparaging remarks about Germans
and get away with it.
Your greatest dream is beating Germans in the World Cup
finals.
France is a country that doesn't understand your soft
drugs policy. This is arrogant.
It is a great place for summer vacation, and you like
their cheese and wine.
You don't think much about the UK. They produce pop
music and football hooligans.
Our Royal House shows how things should be done. Their
Royal House shows how things shouldn't be done.
Japan is a faraway country that produces cars and video
recorders.
If Japan is on the news, it is probably because they
still haven't apologized for the
mistreatment of Dutch citizens during World War II.
You have never seen or heard a Japanese comic, pop song
or movie.
Your country used to have colonies but you rarely think
about this.
Your country came into
being by liberating itself from
the Spanish,
and has been occupied by the French (no hard feelings)
and the Germans (lots of hard feelings).
World War II was the
biggest thing that happened to
your country in the 20th century.
Your poor, neutral country was quickly overrun by the
Nazis,
who behaved badly, deported the Jews and stole all the
bicycles.
It was a time when the country came together and did
what was right,
except for some collaborators who are still shunned.
You were liberated by the Canadians.
The war showed that neutrality didn't work, so now you
depend on NATO for your security.
Anybody born before 1940 may be asked whether he or she
was 'right' or 'wrong' during the occupation.
If you were 'wrong' (i.e. a Nazi collaborator), chances
for a political career are zero.
P You'd be hard pressed to
name leaders of all the nations of Europe. You will
know most capitals, though.
You know
that Americans tell jokes about the Poles, and this is unfair, since you
just love America and Americans.
You think of Russia as a horrible
country where everybody hates Poland. At
the same time you tell jokes about the Russians who are always stupid.
You think of Germany as a wonderful country where everybody hates Poland.
You would like to be friends with the Germans, though.
Polish independence was fought
for and won after years of oppression. Your country has repeatedly
been conquered by foreign nations. Some of these
nations have been conquered by your country. If you are male, you like
talking about it with friends, sometimes.
World War II was the most horrible and
poignant period in Polish history,
and ended badly. It was a time when the country collapsed but still most
people did what was right. And instead of insisting on vengeance, the US
very generously rebuilt Europe instead, with the Marshall Plan.
Unfortunately, Soviets did not let us take part. We could, the US would
help any country which asked.
S You would be hard
pressed to name the leaders of all
the nations of Europe. The capitals may be known to
you.
You do not care about
the European Union unless you have landed a cushy job
in Bruxelles or perhaps if you are the right kind of
subsidised farmer. You
may have heard it was all designed to keep eternal
peace between Germany and
France, which is grand, but not really your business.
You probably believe it is better to be part of it
than to be left out.
The nationality people most often make jokes about is the Norwegians.
You think of Norway as a pleasant, peaceful, but rather dull country, which
has suddenly developed inexplicably. They have oceans of low-sulphur
petroleum on the continental shelf, which makes them less of a joke these
days.
The Danes are considered jovial. They are the ones we always fought wars
with. We do not really make jokes about them. They think they are the most
continental Scandinavian country. It may well be so. They are a crafty lot.
Who wants to be continental?
The Finns are taciturn, hardworking stoics
who have always shielded us from
the Russians and come here to work. Thank you, Finland! Finns think that the
comparatively talkative and urbane Swedish men are homosexuals. Swedes in
their turn think the same about most southern europeans, who talk fast and
cry a lot. These days Finns make fantastic mobile phones.
Your country has
never been conquered by a foreign
nation but has been in a Nordic personal union under
Danish rule for a period in late medieval times.
World Wars I and
II were wars we did not fight. We like to believe that not
many could have threatened our chosen
neutrality during WW I. In WW II we
would probaly have been an easy mark, had we not
succeeded in keeping out of it. The last war
(granted all the suffering of course) seems to have
ended all right. The whole Swedish nation came
together, mobilising to keep the world at a distance.
Instead of insisting on vengeance (but their quarrel
was with Japan was it not?), the US not ungenerously
rebuilt Europe with the Marshall Plan, but I imagine
Sweden did not get any of it. The battle of Stalingrad,
when allied victory first became pretty certain, made
lots of people see the error of their ways and after the
war the old Swedish focus on German language and
culture was quickly exchanged for an Anglo-Saxon
one. Sonst würde dieses auf Deutsch geschrieben
worden. It is prudent to side with the winner.
E You'd be hard
pressed to name the leaders of all the nations of Europe. The
capitals you could probably do.
All Americans are terribly wealthy, so an
American accent acts on a shopkeeper or stallholder just like
the sound of the feeding-bell did on Pavlov's dogs.
You think of the French
as the ancient tribal enemy, people who are (in the words of
Edmund Blackadder) into 'cruelty to animals and urinating in the
street'. The Germans are little better, and memories of the Wars
and of Germany's defeat in the 1966 football World Cup final are
still quite vivid.
The Scots are tight-fisted, humourless,
savage and wear skirts which they insist on calling 'kilts'. They
play ridiculous musical instruments (badly) and eat stuffed
sheep's stomachs.
The Welsh are all excellent singers,
eat leeks all the time and start speaking Welsh whenever an
Englishman (detected by some kind of telepathic radar system)
walks into the shop. If they come from the 'valleys', they are
probably hopelessly inbred.
The Irish drink lots and
lots of Guinness, are all devout Catholics and set off
bombs in Belfast every so often. They are also irremediably
stupid.
Your country has
never been conquered by a foreign nation, at any rate since 1066.
(William of Orange (1688) doesn't count-- he was invited.)
World War II was a
just war, and (granted all the suffering of course) ended all
right, if slightly belatedly because of the traditional American
dithering (cf. World War I). It was a time when the country came
together and did what was right. You still have your
(grand)father's North African medals, and you had an aunty who
was bombed out in the East End (of London) and knows lots of
stories about the blitz.
Y You'd be hard pressed to
name the leaders of all the nations of
Europe. The capitals you could probably do.
All Americans are terribly wealthy,
so an American accent acts on
a shopkeeper or stallholder just like the sound of the feeding-bell
did on Pavlov's dogs.
You beleive that Yorkshire
(England's biggest county) is the greatest county
on the whole planet. You may refer to it as 'Gods own county'.
Your greatest contempt is reserved for the people
of Lancashire (why spoil a perfectly good 400-year feud?), followed
by 'Southerners' (both of whom you think of as the ancient, tribal enemy),
followed by the rest of the world.
The Scots are tight-fisted, humourless, savage and wear skirts
which they insist on calling 'kilts'. They play ridiculous musical
instruments (badly) and eat stuffed sheep's stomachs.
The Welsh are all excellent singers, eat leeks all the time and
start speaking Welsh whenever an Englishman (detected by some kind
of telepathic radar system) walks into the shop. If they come from
the 'valleys', they are probably hopelessly inbred.
The Irish drink lots and lots of Guinness, are all devout Catholics
and set off bombs in Belfast every so often. They are also
irremediably stupid.
Your country has never
been conquered by a foreign nation, at any
rate since 1066. (William of Orange (1688) doesn't count-- he was
invited.) The county's defeat at the hands of the House of
Lancaster, during the Wars of the Roses some 400 years ago, does,
however, still rankle.
World War II was a just war,
and (granted all the suffering of
course) ended all right, if slightly belatedly because of the
traditional American dithering (cf. World War I). It was a time
when the country came together and did what was right. You still
have your (grand)father's North African medals, and you had an a
unty who was bombed out in Sheffield.
S You might be able
to name the capitals or the leaders
of some of the nations of Europe, but probably not all.
You have some good
friends who are English, and have
gone there a few times on holiday, but in general you'd
rather England were a friendly neighbour than a
domineering landlord. You think the English attitude to
Europe is a long-out-of-date relic of the days of
Empire. You probably don't make jokes about the
Irish - only the English do that.
The "second city of the Empire" was Glasgow,
not Birmingham or anywhere else in England.
Your country has never
been conquered by a foreign
nation, but it's been ruled by one particular one for
long periods of time...
AUSTRALIA AND NEW ZEALAND
A You'd be hard pressed
to name all the capitals or all
the leaders of the Asia-Pacific region. Probably even
all the countries. You know who the first
American President was, but not the first Australian Prime Minister.
Americans are loud and
supremely ignorant of Australia
(all they know about us they gained from Mick Dundee);
You think of Australia
as being somewhat out of place
within the Asia-Pacific region; surrounded by unstable
ex-colonial nations who regard you as racist,
imperialist, and unfairly wealthy. Extreme
anti-Australians such as Mahatir Mohammed are very
irritating.
New Zealanders are basically our naive country cousins,
who talk funny and for some bizzare reason, think that
they invented pavlova. They are to be pitied and
laughed at. They have no hope of gaining the upper hand
in the endless sporting rivalry between our two
nations.
British and Europeans in general are more quiet than Americans but
pretentious and cowardly.
For some reason, the Japanese like getting married here.
Your country has
never been conquered by a foreign nation (you don't count 1788).
World War II was a
fairly important time in history:
the age-old Australian nightmare of invasion from Asia
nearly came true. Granted, the US did save the day, but
Churchill and Roosevelt could have been much faster and
more concerned about us. There were three things wrong
with the Americans in WWII: they were "overpaid,
oversexed and over here".
World War I was fairly important too; after all, we
suffered the highest per capita death toll of any
Allied nation. You think the Anzac (Australia New Zealand Army Corps)
spirit is still important, so long as the Kiwis don't win the sporting
tests.
N You can name the leaders of Britain,
the US, and Australia. You couldn't name the leader of any Pacific or
Asian country, except maybe for Jiang Zemin.
Americans are grossly obese,
nauseatingly sentimental, arrogant sex maniacs. You've gained this
impression via careful study of the Jerry Springer Show, Full
House, and Dallas.
You think of the French as villains
who explode nuclear bombs in your neighborhood (neighborhood being
defined as "same ocean")
The English are emotionally repressed snobs who feed
weird stuff to their cows instead of plain grass.
Australians are even more arrogant than Americans, but
slimmer. They're constantly taking credit for New
Zealand stuff, everything from Russell Crowe to pavlova.
They have strange fashion sense, favoring pink shirts and
gold jewelry, at least for men.
Your country has never been conquered
by a foreign nation, ever. The Maori might disagree, but it wasn't a
country back then, right?
World War I was a terrible tragedy,
where incompetent British generals sent New Zealanders to be slaughtered at
Gallipoli.
World War II was a just war, where Britain suffered
terribly until the New Zealanders defeated the Germans at
El Alamein and turned the tide. You probably have a
relative who fought in the war.
ASIA
I You'd be hard pressed to name the
capitals or the leaders of all the nations of Europe.
The ignorance of college educated
Americans amazes you.
Sikhs are widely considered
to be dumb and good-natured;
Biharis, loutish; Gujaratis, money-minded; Bengalis,
impractical and talkative; Delhiites, rude and loutish. (Unless of
course you belong to one of these groups.)
Your country was colonized by the
British till fifty years ago. India's struggle for independence is
a passionate memory.
World War II is not terribly important.
C You'd be hard-pressed to name the
capitals or the leaders of all the nations of Asia.
You would probably prefer to work for a
foreign company, because you can get a higher salary and more
valuable work experience.
You usually prefer to buy foreign products, because
you believe they're of better quality. If you have the
opportunity to publicly display your indulgence in foreign
products, by, say, eating in a Häagen-Dazs
restaurant, all the better.
However, you're very unlikely to buy
Japanese products. This is due mostly to the tension between China
and Japan that's existed since World War II and continued
as a result of their refusal to acknowledge the atrocities
they committed during that time. You generally feel that
Japanese look down on the Chinese and don't want to
interact with them as a group or individually. Frankly, you
don't want to say you hate them, but... Then you
read what the Japan culture test says about Chinese, and
your animosity is revived.
Korea, on the other hand, is a very good neighbor,
who you think China has historically had a very good
relationship with. You don't have much opinion one way or
the other about any of the remaining countries that
neighbor China.
Your country has been conquered by
foreign nations, and you'd rather not talk about it.
World War II was eight years long for the
Chinese, and we fought with Japan the whole time. It was a miserable
period for the Chinese, but since then there has been no
major tragedy in China.
J You'd be hard pressed to name
the capitals or the leaders of all the nations of Asia, let alone Europe.
You perceive Americans to be
friendly, warm-hearted
people who live (a) in New York, (b) in Los Angeles, or
(c) in the middle of nowhere on a farm in the Midwest.
You have no idea why these pleasant people insist on
owning guns and frequently use them on each other, or why
they're so belligerent and militaristic in the arena of
foreign relations. You're
also frustrated at how they see Japan as either (a) the
land of "Fujiyama" (which in reality is called
Fujisan) and gêsha girls (an endangered
species), or (b) a high-tech wonderland of Sony, Toyota,
and Nikon. Somehow you feel that neither description fits
your country particularly well...
You have a firm (if mostly
subconscious) belief that Japan and the Japanese are somehow
"unique" and different from the rest of the world.
If pressed to give reasons, though, you would be unable
to provide any.
You have mixed feelings about Korea.
Culturally they're very similar, and you'd never be able to tell a
Korean apart on the basis of facial features alone. But frankly, you
wish they'd stop griping about Japanese oppression during
the colonial era.
You also have mixed feelings about China. In ages
past they brought civilization to Japan and heavily influenced
the culture, which calls for respect. But today, they're,
um, Communists! There have also been a lot of illegal Chinese
immigrants recently, and some of them are criminals with
links to the Chinese underworld. And frankly, you wish
they'd stop griping about Japanese atrocities during the
war.
One more neighbor: Russia. You have no mixed feelings
towards them, only suspicion and fear. Ever since the
Russo-Japanese War (1904-05) the two countries haven't
gotten along very well. They've never returned the
Southern Kurile (Chishima) Islands that they
occupied in 1945, which causes ongoing resentment.
Up until 1945, your country was
never conquered by a foreign nation. The Mongols tried twice in the 13th
century, but they were stupid enough to come during
typhoon season and perished in fierce storms-- whence
comes the word kamikaze (divine wind).
World War II was a catastrophe.
You know the Imperial
Army commited a number of atrocities during the war
(unless you're an ultra-nationalist loony who thinks the
Nanking Massacre is a Chinese fabrication), but you also
think that ordinary Japanese were themselves victims of
the war, manipulated by the militarist regime. As for the
Americans, they did a service to Japan by destroying its
war machine, but their fire-bombing of the helpless
civilian populations was hardly commendable. And they had
no business dropping A-bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki
and massacring the citizens, when it was already clear
that Japan was defeated. You might have a relative who
died in the war, either as a soldier or as a victim of
the air raids.
AFRICA AND THE MIDDLE EAST
N
There are some Nigerians who feel
the need to gloss over the harsh realities in order to make
Nigeria look good internationally, but others believe that
change can only come about when you acknowledge that there
is indeed something that needs to be changed.
The only war you know is the Biafran
War (1967-1970), and, if you're Igbo, you're very passionate about it.
S You know the
capitals of the southern African countries
that surround yours. You might know the capitals of
one or two European countries. For years you thought
that New York was the capital of the U.S.A., and didn't
know that Washington state and Washington, D.C. were
different places. You have no idea what the capital of
Australia is. At a guess you'd probably say Sydney,
even though it's actually Canberra. Not only don't you
know what the capitals of any South American countries
are, you have a vague idea that South America consists
of... well, Brazil.
Because of watching
Jerry Springer and Survivor, you don't
have a very high opinion of Americans, and consider American spelling
and measuring units to be plain wrong. But you consider the American
influence on coffee (dozens of varieties) to be a good thing.
You realise
intellectually that South Africa is in
Africa, but you alternate between feeling extremely
patriotic and extolling all things African, and
behaving as though you actually live in the United
States or Britain. You feel more of an affinity with British
people than Americans.
South Africa is multicultural enough that these
traits - written by an urban, English-speaking South
African - are less likely to universally apply than in
other countries.
Your country as
a whole has never been conquered, but
the amount of freedom you had prior to 1994 is
debatable, and some people would argue it still is.
World War II
didn't have much of an impact on your
country, but you most likely know one or two people
who fought in it.
I
Although in general you respect
Americans and American culture, you ridicule
Americans for suing at every opportunity.
You have mixed feelings about
people who speak French because of France and Israel's
ambivalent relationship. You may also feel ambivalent
about speaking German, although you acknowledge that
Germany has largely taken responsibility for its past,
and many Germans are tourists in Israel.
You make fun of Americans and English/Irish people who seem to
need alcohol to have a good time.
World War II was a war in which the
world almost allowed the Jews to be exterminated.
T You can easily name
the capitals or the leaders of
all the nations of Europe.
The image of your
country is extremely important.
You feel that your country is misrepresented all
around the world. The United States is your best
ally, but for some reason they don't care about you
as much as they should.
You think that everyone in
the world is concerned
with what happens in your country. You're
shocked when you learn that some Europeans or
Americans are unable to locate your country on a
map.
The jokes you make are often about the
Northerners (the people living in the Black Sea
region). Of course, you are not offending them
since everyone knows that it is the Northerners
themselves who make up these jokes.
Your country has
never been conquered by a
foreign nation. You are proud of the heroic past
of your people. Time after time, Turks have saved
their country from the barbaric foreigners.
You will proudly--
and mistakenly-- claim that
your country never entered World War II.
SUBCULTURES
1 You'd be hard pressed to name
the capitals or the leaders of all
the nations of Asia, let alone Europe.
If you are a migrant to
the USA you probably know more about the
President (his name, home state etc) than most Americans of
similar age and education. In Europe, you know the name of the
president of your magnet country, but probably not the name of
the Leader in your country of origin, especially if there has
been a coup d'état in your absence.
When asked what he thought
of western civilization, Ghandi
replied, 'It would be a very good thing'. Sometimes you begin to
understand him.
Once immigrants from the USA have adapted to their host country,
they begin to see Americans as overweight and naive, convinced that the
USA is god's own country while continuing to blast each other to
kingdom-come with their OTC (over the counter) guns.
Within Europe itself, the
Schengen agreement has made intercommunal migration easy.
If you are an opportunistic migrant, then you keep your options
open and accept the history and culture of all potential havens
as being equally valid. However, if you are singlemindedly
determined to settle in a given country, then you become a fully
fledged convert and love their friends and hate their
enemies with equal, if not greater vehemence than they do
themselves.
A first generation migrant is NOT a tourist and is afraid
of being mistaken for one. Within a short
time, he will be surprised to feel shafts of irritation against
tourists who, he thinks, are muscling in on his new territory and
making 'integration' harder for him with the locals.
The English perceive their (passport holding) countrymen as beerswilling,
football hooligans; Germans see theirs as swastika toting,
teutonic barbarians (but who can still make a bloody good car); One of the
few exceptions is the Chinese who see themselves as linked to a
much larger, global diaspora whose soul lies in the heart of the
middle kingdom; etc, etc. Jews look to Israel but prefer to place
their bets on NY.
You are not prepared to
admit to being an economic migrant. Consequently, unless you come
from another developed country where there is potential
reciprocity in migration, in which case you don't have to justify
yourself, the f-g migrant presents himself as a political
refugee. He claims to have fled from "a bloodthirsty regime /
dictatorship who refused to tolerate me peacefully protesting
against their clepto-cratic ways and banged me up in prison from
whence I escaped to make make way to [name of magnet
country], a recognized 'haven' from injustice ... and
anyway, my grandfather / father were dragooned into fighting your
1st World War / 2nd World War so I have a moral right to be
here".
Coming from a former
colony gives you a decided advantage over any carpetbagger with no
historical links to the target country. You can play upon
colonial guilt.
If from a former
colony, World Wars II & I were a positive
advantage, especially if your forebears fought in them.
If you are a semi-assimilated immigrant, you feel you would be
prepared to fight for your host country
if ever it went to war with a third nation.
If fully-assimilated, you go as far as to say
(in whispered tones and to
yourself only) that you would fight for the host country if
ever it went to war with your country of origin.
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